Thalpos-Mental Health

How insecurities distort our image

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Sometimes, each of us feels a little insecure, since we think that we are not attractive or smart enough, or that we do not have the life we have imagined for ourselves. Many times, we compare ourselves with people around us, making us feel even worse.

It is important, in the context of self-awareness, we recognize the disadvantages we may have (because no one is perfect), and do not confuse them with insecurities which develop an obsessive fixation on a small or imaginary defect.

But how does the human brain lead to work this way?

No one is born with a self-hate gene. It is a cultural development that derives from our position in society and our experiences. Everyone is born with a different temperament and of course, every temperament is more or less vulnerable to insecurity. How insecure a person can be does not depend on how he looks like or how wide his social circle is, while it is a myth that the trend toward introversion equals insecurity.

Some people counterbalance their insecurities by trying to show that they are better than others. That is, they like to talk about themselves, refer to their achievements, remind others of their successes or even underestimate colleagues, friends and family members. The psychologist Alfred Adler, who first talked about "inferiority complex" refers to this trend as "pursuit of excellence".

Of course, there are legitimate insecurities as well, stemming from real events happened in our lives. Admitting feelings like these is psychologically healthy. If you have ever been confronted with pursuit of excellence by a partner, an employer, a friend, or if your partner have expressed his/her concerns about the future of your relationship, or if your parents have doubted your abilities highlighting all your failures and lost opportunities, it is normal your self-esteem be undermined. However, recognizing that you have been manipulated this way, it can help you to reject this negative self-evaluation in whose process you came.

Insecurity in relationships is another huge trap for adults. Bad experiences can lead to neurotic or self-destructive behavior, because we base our value on opinion or love of another person.

Even if someone has not experienced severe insecurities as a child, as an adult can encounter life situations where insecurity may occur. Most of these problems come from how people place themselves in society, and through comparisons with others. Everyone is prone to do this. When, for example, we have less money and success or extra weight or we are older than others. It is important, however, for our self-esteem, we evaluate not only our potential faults, but also unique qualifications we have.

It is difficult we pinpoint the deep cause of insecurity. It may begin in childhood or develop over time. It can cripple us mentally and emotionally, or simply make it difficult to meet people who we do not know. But what really matters is that we are all insecure in one way or another. Every time you try to override the negative attitudes and beliefs about yourself, remember that almost everyone you know has gone through the same "battle".

The investigation process of our real self (self-awareness) is the one which can help us to love ourselves and live with our own choices, without others take advantage of our weaknesses (because we all have weaknesses) and handle us for their own interests’ sake. But also, not to get carried away by the need of presenting to our environment a "perfect", except, however, our false image.