Is it the first time, during holidays, you have experienced sad feelings? Are you grieving for someone passed away last year? Are you pushing yourself too hard smiling, when closed people try to make you laugh?
If you feel that all above concern you, it is important you realise that you are not the only one feeling like this. The truth is that the majority of people experience Christmas as a painful period of the year- especially if you try to manage the loss of a close person, such as a parent, child, brother or another loved one.
The intensity of the current unpleasant feelings is directly connected with the festive mood. You are found in a fragile place and in consequence, you cannot be sure about what you are feeling. Do not try to generalise that feeling, but try to get a balance these days by recognising to yourself the following redeeming features:
Refer to people passed away these days
Many people have lost a close person and, during holidays, they obviously hesitate to refer to his or her name for fear of causing unpleasant feelings to other people. If you are doing so, it is not fair for dead people not to be referred to, during the holidays. The traumas healing will not be actualised if we deny the existence of a person. You can refer to their names and talk from the place they are being found right now, your heart.
Let others console you
The grief is a unique inner experience and a necessary part of the elaboration. If you are at the point of all these annoying emotions and you push away people who are willing to help you, then you deny the healing moments both to yourself and to others, which are of vital importance as far as your recovery is concerned. Of course, you deserve some time alone and without talking. However, let other people be with you these difficult moments. Traumas healing under silence is not feasible. Doing so, you will be able to lighten your heavy load for a while, so that you assimilate what is coming. When, emotionally, you feel better, do not hesitate to move on and connect with people you love.
Laugh and cry
Possibly, you think that it is disrespect laughing the moment you are grieving, especially if you retrace a beautiful memory that makes you smile. Much as it is difficult, try to avoid thoughts like these. A universally fundamental truth about grief is this: without laugh, only tears would be. If you desire to cry, permit yourself to do so with the most plangent way. The tears are a natural grief aftermath. Let them fall off your eyes as catharsis and let others wipe them from your face with love.
Reject whatever makes you feel uncomfortable but do not hide yourself
You can refuse invitations for different kind of celebrations. It is not easy for you to be found around people at a happy environment, while you are experiencing such a huge loss. You are not obliged to do any of these.
By recognising that the invitation refusal is acceptable, at a first place, a huge load will go away but later, you may feel emotionally hemmed in.
The antidote is you meet people who care you, so that their love surrounds you. Without any special preparation, without any schedule, without fun, let others get close to you. If other people grieve for the same loss, do it with them.
Dealing with the first Christmas and by extension the New Year, by experiencing the loss of a person you have loved so much, is one of the most difficult things you will ever cope with. There is no way any psychologist or anyone else uses the “magic” words in order to push away the unpleasant feelings and make you feel happy again. Whoever tries to do so, he will do it impulsively and falsely. That given period of time, you need to show yourself love and compassion more than anything else. You have to protect yourself for the purpose of picking up your pieces again.
It is said that when we deeply love, we are deeply hurt as well. Nevertheless, healing is found in the deep pain. May these days be the springboard your emotional traumas be healed.